


Checking in for the last time

by Rava0530



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Crying, Gen, Ghosts, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Regret, Wakes & Funerals, Yeah this is depressing, and the author, both the characters and the readers, don’t read this if you want to have a good day, really everyone is crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 06:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19167370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rava0530/pseuds/Rava0530
Summary: I hate churches. Always have, always will. So of course my mother would arrange my funeral in one.





	Checking in for the last time

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time posting on here. Yay. This was an assignment for class, but I really liked it so I wanted to share it. Also keep in mind that I have never been to a funeral. I did research so I hope I’m not too off but I don’t know if it’s 100% accurate. Please don’t crucify me.

I hate churches. Always have, always will. So of course my mother would arrange my funeral in one. To be fair, she didn’t know I would be here, but she still basically went behind my back and set it in what she knew was my least favorite place. This was already going off to a great start.

I walk around the isles, looking at all the people “grieving” for me. As if any of them actually care. Most of them either don’t know me personally, or haven’t seen me in years. It’s almost like they’re just crying for courtesy. Not exactly how I imagined my funeral going, but everything in my life is a disappointment, so why expect differently?

I stood in the back of the room while the Funeral started. One by one, my family went up to give their eulogies. First was my mother. She talked about how much she loved me and how unexpected this was. It was hard to believe; she didn’t care much about me before I died.

Alice, my little sister, came up to the stand. She didn’t have much to talk about. We barely ever saw each other because of our living arrangement. She talked about the few times we actually saw each other.

My father came up next. He was in a very similar situation as my sister, except worse. He almost never went to see me, even when Alice did. He just gave a stereotypical “My son’s dead now I’m sad”eulogy. 

It was disappointing. None of them had any idea what to say. It was all a facade. A show to put on for the neighbors to make it look like they care. They don’t. Who could blame them, though? They don’t really know me.

And I guess they never will. No, I’m glad they never will. They are the ones who didn’t make the effort. Why would I want someone who didn’t care in the first place to get to know me?

I didn’t see the point in staying. It was all a let down, and I didn’t want that to be the last thing I felt while I was still technically in the living world. I only had until the end of the service before I was gone for good. Might as well do something I enjoy with the rest of my time. I turn to leave, but just as I was about to, I heard Carter being called up.

I didn’t know that he was here. He had a tendency to blend in to his surroundings, being as quiet as he is. He was the only one who I actually considered a friend here. The only one I opened up to. I guess I’m not leaving then. 

He stood proud and tall at the podium and began his eulogy.”Jerry Parker was one of my closest friends. He was the best friend anyone could ever ask for. He was always there for me when I needed him. Always supportive of me and what I wanted to do, even when it was a terrible idea, which it usually was.

“I remember one time I wanted to climb the tallest tree in the woods. He said that I was crazy and that I would fall, but he came along anyway. He was right, But even though I didn’t listen to him, he helped me when I fell. He would always do that for me. I guess I failed him in that respect. He- he died too soon. It’s been said so many times today, but it couldn’t be any more true. He had places to go and things to do, and for whatever reason, he ended it all.

“So if you’re listening to this, Jerry, I just wanted to say: I- I’m so sorry. I didn’t help you when you fell. I didn’t see what was going on. I didn’t stop you. But I- I just want you to know, you will always be with us in our hearts. I will never forget you. Thank you.”

He walked away from the podium and staggers out ofthe reception room. I follow him.

I found him right outside the room, falling apart. He was sobbing quietly to himself, as if not to disturb the service. I wish I could have reached out and helped. I wish I could bring the smile back on his face. But I couldn’t. I made my choice and I can’t go back on it. 

The regret was horrible. This unexpected feeling rushing through me that I couldn't shake. I wasn’t supposed to regret this decision.i was so sure I never would. But everything was changing now, and I couldn’t stop it.

I try to reach for carter. I try to comfort him. But I can’t. I can never talk to him or laugh with him or do anything with him again.

I wish I said goodbye to him. I wish I told someone before I went and killed myself. I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

I’m fading now. I can feel the tingling sensation upon my skin as I start to vanish. And all I can think to do is to say “I’m sorry.”

Carter made no indication of hearing me. Because he can’t. He will never know how much I regret everything. He’ll never comprehend how sorry I am that I put him through this. All I can do is hope he doesn’t blame himself forever for my mistake.

I wish I didn’t die. I wish I stayed around a little longer. If only for him.


End file.
